This poem was written and sent to Nursing Now by Gregg Morris, a Wound Care Registered Nurse and Director of Inpatient and Outpatient Wound Care at Providence Medical Center in Kansas City, Kansas.
I drive to work my mind is free, past thoughts appear in front of me.
The patient’s breathing starts to slow, we hold her hand as she lets go.
My thoughts are always changing, emotions rearranging, but I won’t walk away or
can I please…
They told me when I got there, news came down from Hospice care.
She died toward the end of day; I shook my head and turned away.
My thoughts are always changing, emotions rearranging but I won’t walk away or
can I please…
Should my prayers to God be over now? They are not answered anyhow.
Families put their trust in me, “Oh dear God, one last plea!”
My thoughts are always changing, emotions rearranging, but I won’t walk away or
can I please…
My wife hugs me when I get home, she’s scared for me to be alone.
She lives the anguish that I see and prays to God to please help me.
My thoughts are always changing, emotions rearranging but I won’t walk away or
can I please…
How does this end where does it go? We’d like to say but we don’t know.
I ponder the reasons for me to stay, I know I can never just walk away.
“The Caregiver is my expression of events over the past year with the COVID-19 pandemic. Our hospital was particularly hit hard. We are in Wyandotte County, a lower-income area in Kansas City, MO. This past year has had a profound effect on me as a Nurse, a Leader and a person. Although the poem is told in the first person, not all the events detailed are mine alone. In the line about prayers, “They are not answered anyhow” was something I actually overheard a family member say as they were discussing a family member’s progress. I think the most poignant part of the poem is the constant nagging thought of can I give myself permission to walk away or do I stay. In the end, the answer is not easy but determined, I know I can never just walk away.” Gregg Morris, Wound Care Registered Nurse and Director of Inpatient and Outpatient Wound Care at Providence Medical Center in Kansas City, Kansas.
